All About Bridesmaids
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History of the Bridesmaid
Using bridesmaids in your wedding ceremony dates back to ancient Roman times. It was believed that
evil spirits would try to kidnap the bride at her wedding. Friends of the bride would dress very similar to the
bride to confuse the evil spirits. It was thought the spirit wouldn't be able to figure out who was the bride,
so the bride was safe from evil at her wedding.
In the Saxon times in England, the senior bridesmaid attended to the bride before the wedding. She
became the maid of honor, meaning attendant to the queen. Her duties included the dressing the bride,
decorating the tables at the wedding feast, and making her bridal wreath out of flowers. The other
bridesmaids helped the maid of honor.
Today, the maids are there to support and help out the bride with wedding chores, host a wedding shower
and hold her hand. They are there to join in the wedding celebration and toast the couple.
Using bridesmaids in your wedding ceremony dates back to ancient Roman times. It was believed that
evil spirits would try to kidnap the bride at her wedding. Friends of the bride would dress very similar to the
bride to confuse the evil spirits. It was thought the spirit wouldn't be able to figure out who was the bride,
so the bride was safe from evil at her wedding.
In the Saxon times in England, the senior bridesmaid attended to the bride before the wedding. She
became the maid of honor, meaning attendant to the queen. Her duties included the dressing the bride,
decorating the tables at the wedding feast, and making her bridal wreath out of flowers. The other
bridesmaids helped the maid of honor.
Today, the maids are there to support and help out the bride with wedding chores, host a wedding shower
and hold her hand. They are there to join in the wedding celebration and toast the couple.
| "Always A Bridesmaid" poem from 1917 by Fred W. Leigh and Charles Collins 'Why am I always a bridesmaid, Never the blushing bride? Ding! Dong! Wedding bells Always ring for other gals. But one fine day – Please let it be soon – I shall wake up in the morning On my own honeymoon.' |
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Problems With Bridesmaids & How to Solve Them
Pregnant Bridesmaid: One of your bridesmaids is pregnant. If her dress has been
ordered, contact the bridal salon and let them know. You may have to order to extra
fabric from the manufacturer to have a seamstress put a gusset panel put in the
sides of the dress to make it fit. If the dress hasn't been ordered, confirm with your
maid if she wants to still be in the wedding. If the answer is yes, shop for a dress
that will accommodate her pregnancy. There are maternity bridesmaid dresses, but
the truth is that they look matronly and differ in style. A bridal salon can advise you on
what style will work for her. Note that alterations will be necessary. If she is
uncomfortable being pregnant in your wedding, ask her to do a reading or be the
guest book attendant so she won't have to buy a special dress.
Financially strapped bridesmaid : One or more of your friends are going to be
financially strapped and too proud to admit that they can't afford to be in the wedding.
If they are having financial problems BEFORE the wedding, ask them if they will be
able to afford to be in the wedding and if they say no, accept it gracefully or offer to
pay for their dress yourself. If they have financial problems after they've put down the
deposit on their dress and are not paying off their balance or having their alterations
completed, its time to have a talk with them. They've committed to being in the
wedding. If they absolutely can't afford to follow through, find a replacement for them
who can wear the same size dress or offer to pay their balance. Chances are they
are embarrassed and are dodging you and the wedding. Note: Once their dress
has been ordered, the maid is legally liable to pay for it.
The Maidzilla: She's done nothing but give you a bad time. She has problems
with everything in the wedding. She's critical, she's a pain. Its time to take control.
Take her out to lunch and ask her what is really going on. She may be jealous, she
may think your friendship will suffer once you are married. She needs reassurance
that your friendship won't change. For more information, go to the Maidzilla test and
see what's really happening in her mind.
Out of town bridesmaids: Nearly every wedding has bridesmaids who are all over
the country. Its time to choose a dress, what to do? Email them pictures of the
dress and let them know the style, color and price. Line up a bridal salon that
carries the dress and have your bridesmaids phone in their measurements and
deposit. The bridal salon can ship the dress to them when it arrives so they can
have alterations done locally. The bridal salon will ask them their normal dress size
and height, and as long as the measurements are accurate, they can order them the
right size to fit them. Ordering in one place works best because it insures that all
your maids dresses are ordered on time and will arrive at the same time. It also
insures that the dye lot of your dresses are exactly the same.
Bridesmaid that is MIA, missing in action. It happens, your maid has had a job
transfer and can't be in the wedding. Or your maid has been in an accident and can't
be in the wedding. Or she suddenly gets sick. Whatever the reason, you have a
space to fill because your maid dropped out. You have two options: replace her or
not. Its OK to have extra groomsmen. But if its important to have someone wear the
dress, find someone similar in size to fill in.
Pregnant Bridesmaid: One of your bridesmaids is pregnant. If her dress has been
ordered, contact the bridal salon and let them know. You may have to order to extra
fabric from the manufacturer to have a seamstress put a gusset panel put in the
sides of the dress to make it fit. If the dress hasn't been ordered, confirm with your
maid if she wants to still be in the wedding. If the answer is yes, shop for a dress
that will accommodate her pregnancy. There are maternity bridesmaid dresses, but
the truth is that they look matronly and differ in style. A bridal salon can advise you on
what style will work for her. Note that alterations will be necessary. If she is
uncomfortable being pregnant in your wedding, ask her to do a reading or be the
guest book attendant so she won't have to buy a special dress.
Financially strapped bridesmaid : One or more of your friends are going to be
financially strapped and too proud to admit that they can't afford to be in the wedding.
If they are having financial problems BEFORE the wedding, ask them if they will be
able to afford to be in the wedding and if they say no, accept it gracefully or offer to
pay for their dress yourself. If they have financial problems after they've put down the
deposit on their dress and are not paying off their balance or having their alterations
completed, its time to have a talk with them. They've committed to being in the
wedding. If they absolutely can't afford to follow through, find a replacement for them
who can wear the same size dress or offer to pay their balance. Chances are they
are embarrassed and are dodging you and the wedding. Note: Once their dress
has been ordered, the maid is legally liable to pay for it.
The Maidzilla: She's done nothing but give you a bad time. She has problems
with everything in the wedding. She's critical, she's a pain. Its time to take control.
Take her out to lunch and ask her what is really going on. She may be jealous, she
may think your friendship will suffer once you are married. She needs reassurance
that your friendship won't change. For more information, go to the Maidzilla test and
see what's really happening in her mind.
Out of town bridesmaids: Nearly every wedding has bridesmaids who are all over
the country. Its time to choose a dress, what to do? Email them pictures of the
dress and let them know the style, color and price. Line up a bridal salon that
carries the dress and have your bridesmaids phone in their measurements and
deposit. The bridal salon can ship the dress to them when it arrives so they can
have alterations done locally. The bridal salon will ask them their normal dress size
and height, and as long as the measurements are accurate, they can order them the
right size to fit them. Ordering in one place works best because it insures that all
your maids dresses are ordered on time and will arrive at the same time. It also
insures that the dye lot of your dresses are exactly the same.
Bridesmaid that is MIA, missing in action. It happens, your maid has had a job
transfer and can't be in the wedding. Or your maid has been in an accident and can't
be in the wedding. Or she suddenly gets sick. Whatever the reason, you have a
space to fill because your maid dropped out. You have two options: replace her or
not. Its OK to have extra groomsmen. But if its important to have someone wear the
dress, find someone similar in size to fill in.
Choosing Your Bridesmaids
You've probably made pacts with friends that you'd be in each others wedding.
Now its time to choose your maids, and you are torn between the pact you made years
ago and reality. You've gone different ways, your mom thinks you need to include a
cousin, your groom wants his sisters included, your best friend lives a thousand miles
away. What to do?
Think before you ask someone to be a bridesmaid. Don't jump the gun because you
are excited.
Don't ask in the rush of excitement of the engagement.
Don't be pressured into asking someone to be in your wedding. Take it into
consideration before you make any decisions.
Ask people who mean something to you and are willing to "go the distance" with you.
Don't include someone who means nothing to you today but you "promised" years ago.
You'll first need to figure out how many maids you want in your wedding. Once the
number gets to be six or over, you go into the problem territory of keeping everyone
happy. Too many maids make it hard to manage. Think about your wedding photos.
Take into account the size of your church, altar or wedding ceremony site. You don't
want it to look too crowded.
The decision is ultimately yours as to your maids, but sometimes compromise is
needed. If your groom wants his sister in the wedding, you have to weigh the
consequences of keeping her out of the wedding or including her.
If you want to include people in your wedding but you can't ask them to be a
bridesmaid, ask them to be a part of the wedding. You can honor them by having
them do a reading during the ceremony, handing our programs or being the guest
book attendant.
You've probably made pacts with friends that you'd be in each others wedding.
Now its time to choose your maids, and you are torn between the pact you made years
ago and reality. You've gone different ways, your mom thinks you need to include a
cousin, your groom wants his sisters included, your best friend lives a thousand miles
away. What to do?
Think before you ask someone to be a bridesmaid. Don't jump the gun because you
are excited.
Don't ask in the rush of excitement of the engagement.
Don't be pressured into asking someone to be in your wedding. Take it into
consideration before you make any decisions.
Ask people who mean something to you and are willing to "go the distance" with you.
Don't include someone who means nothing to you today but you "promised" years ago.
You'll first need to figure out how many maids you want in your wedding. Once the
number gets to be six or over, you go into the problem territory of keeping everyone
happy. Too many maids make it hard to manage. Think about your wedding photos.
Take into account the size of your church, altar or wedding ceremony site. You don't
want it to look too crowded.
The decision is ultimately yours as to your maids, but sometimes compromise is
needed. If your groom wants his sister in the wedding, you have to weigh the
consequences of keeping her out of the wedding or including her.
If you want to include people in your wedding but you can't ask them to be a
bridesmaid, ask them to be a part of the wedding. You can honor them by having
them do a reading during the ceremony, handing our programs or being the guest
book attendant.
Are you a Maidzilla? A bad bridesmaid?
A Maidzilla is a BAD bridesmaid. A Maidzilla mob is a group of bad bridesmaids.
She's ticked off about something and everyone knows it. She's not used to sharing
the spotlight. It should be all about her, but this person called the bride is getting all
the attention. She's spending a lot of money, and she's not happy. Could you be a
maidzilla? Take the test below to find out!
The Maidzilla test:
Are you constantly complaining to the bride about the wedding?
Do you dislike the groom? Have you told her?
Do you hate the bridesmaid dress?
Did you hold up the entire wedding party because you "just couldn't get around to
order your dress"?
Do you hate the color of the dress?
Have you told everyone you'll never wear this ugly dress again?
Have you complained about the price of the dress?
Are you ticked off at the size of your dress you've had to order?
Are you upset you have to pay for alterations?
Are you angry that you've had to buy shoes or a bra for the dress?
Have you complained or caused a scene about the price, color, size you need to
order or cost of alterations, etc. in the bridal salon?
Does the bridal salon staff hide when you come into the store?
Has the bridal salon had to call the bride regarding your behavior or not showing up
for appointments?
Is the bride apologizing for your behavior?
Have you argued with the bride over any aspect of her wedding?
Have you threatened to back out of the wedding?
Has the bride had to pay for some of your personal expenses related to her wedding?
Have you told friends you dislike the bride's dress, wedding theme, etc?
Are you angry or refusing to take part in the wedding shower for the bride?
Have you told people that you don't know WHY she NEEDS a bridal shower because
they've been living together and already have household items?
Are you angry about or refusing to take part in the bachelorette party?
Are you upset that you aren't in charge of planning the shower or bachelorette party?
Are you constantly complaining about your personal wedding expenses while
carrying an authentic designer handbag?
Have you told the bride that you REFUSE to have your hair or makeup done unless
you approve the person doing it?
Have you told the bride you refuse to get your hair or makeup done unless it suits
your schedule?
Do you expect the bride to pay for your hair, nails and makeup?
Are you avoiding helping the bride with wedding tasks?
Has the bride, her mother or her fiance spoken to you about your behavior?
Have you complained about the groomsman who is your partner in the wedding? Do
you think you should have been paired with someone "hotter"?
Next question is based on whether you are married or single:
* If you are married: Do you constantly talk about your wedding and how you did
things and how much better it was than this wedding?
* If you are single: Do you constantly talk about how much better your wedding will
be..and how the bride "stole" your ideas?
Scoring: For each yes, its one point.
7 points and under: You're a normal bridesmaid. You probably dislike the dress
and probably won't ever wear it again. But, you're a good friend and that's what good
friends do...wear the dress and smile. When its your turn to be the bride you'll get to
pick what THEY wear. ;) You realize its an honor to be asked to be in the wedding
and you are happy to oblige with a minimum of grumbling.
8 to 15 points: Mini Maidzilla in the making. You aren't happy about this wedding
and can't keep it bottled up inside all the time. Maybe complaining is just in your
nature. Maybe you think your friend is making a mistake and you are afraid to save
her. Maybe you are a bit in love with her fiance, can't understand how she got so
lucky and are jealous. Whatever the reason, take a chill pill and be happy for the
bride.
16 points and above: Full blown Maidzilla. Everything in life SHOULD be about you
and you hate to share the spotlight with the bride. You feel that the bride doesn't
deserve all this attention. Jealousy oozes out of every one of your pores. You are a
bad friend. Don't be surprized if the bride and groom and some of your friends
never speak to you after the wedding. You need a serious attitude adjustment. The
wedding is going to happen regardless of your feelings. Either be a part of it or bow
out before you lose all sense of dignity.
What's really going on:
* The bridesmaid has an underlying problem affecting her behavior. She may be
jealous of all the attention focused on the bride. She may have financial problems.
She may have problems with her self image as to how she looks in the dress. She
may have problems with her own love life. She may wish it was her her wedding.
* She has no desire to participate in the wedding. She may have said yes to the
invitation when she really wanted to say no.
* She cannot afford all the extras heaped upon her by the bride. She may be
financially strapped and can't afford to host the shower and buy a nice gift for the
bride. Ditto for the bachelorette party. Her financial situation may have changed
since she agreed to be in the wedding, loss of job, etc.
* You may not be "good enough" for her brother. She just may not like you and she
doesn't want you to take her brother "away" from her. This comes into play when you
are forced to have her in the wedding and she knows it.
How to diffuse a Maidzilla:
Take the maid aside and have a long heart to heart talk. She may just feel you are so
caught up in your wedding plans that your friendship is suffering. Take her to lunch
in a public place, just the two of you. People are less apt to create a scene in a
public place. Do not use this as a time to talk nonstop about yourself and your
wedding! This is about HER!
Begin by asking her questions about her life and what she's been doing. Then nicely
bring up that you've noticed she's been having problems with your wedding and ask
her if she'd like to discuss it with you. This is your time to find out the underlying
problem and offer solutions to solve the problem.
If its financial, let her know you don't expect a gift and you appreciate all she's done
financially during a difficult time. DO NOT make further demands on her financially.
Does it really matter if the maids have matching hairdo's? Offer to help pay for some
of her expenses if necessary. If she is that good of a friend, she'll appreciate your
concern for her situation. She'll either accept or decline the help. Either way, she'll
know you are a true friend.
If her problem is self image, offer to help her shop for undergarments or anything
that will help her feel better about herself. Tell her she looks great and you WANT
her by your side when you get married. Treat her to a spa day or a manicure.
If her problem is her love life, reassure her that her day will come. Comiserate with
her. Offer to introduce her to some of the groom's friend at the wedding festivities.
I've found from my 30 years in the bridal business that a lot of brides meet their
fiances at a friend's wedding reception.
If she's the groom's sister, schedule time to get to know each other. Learn to be her
friend, she could be your greatest ally and lifelong friend. Tell her you understand
her feelings about her brother getting married, reassure her you aren't stealing her
brother. Let her know how much you love her brother and you are happy to be joining
the family. Reassure her that she is always welcome in your home. If you have
sisters, include her in your shopping trips, etc. She may just be feeling really left out.
If she doesn't want to be in the wedding, cut bait and go fishing. Thank her for her
participation and tell her if she wants to drop out you will understand. Better to let her
go than to ruin your wedding. I've yet to have a wedding where someone wouldn't
step in to help out. You can just have one less bridesmaid. It's OK to have an extra
male in the wedding party, most have more men as ushers.
If the dresses have been ordered, she is responsible for the cost of the dress if she
signed the contract for the dress. The bridal salon will expect payment in full
because it was ordered by them in good faith and its not their fault she dropped out.
You may offer to pay her balance for her and either resell the dress or have the
dress altered to fit someone else who steps in. This is a sticky situation and if
handled badly, could spell the end of a friendship. Don't cry, accuse or beg. Accept
her decision and move on. In the grand scheme of things, there are more important
things in life.